On the evening of Sat., June 12, 2010, we expect to be holed up in Castle Limey with the drawbridge raised and defenses at full in an attempt to halt a baying mob of SI.com journalists, distraught at the U.S. national team's defeat to our mighty Three Lions.
We accept that you're world leaders in pointlessly putting wood on station wagons. We appreciate that you've had major names such as ex-Norwich and Coventry stalwart Darren Huckerby starring in Major League Soccer. And we acknowledge your genius in hosting the most staged penalty "miss" in World Cup Opening Ceremony history. But we're afraid that's not going to be enough to beat our boys in Rustenburg, South Africa, next year. Poor Bob Bradley will be mopping up the spillage from the can of proverbial whoop-ass we'll be opening onto your starred-and-striped buttocks.
As Team Limey relaxed by a roaring fire in the bowels of Castle Limey last Friday evening, we howled with excitement as we witnessed World Cup draw emcee Charlize Theron playing with some balls, and placing yours alongside ours in Group C. Yes, Theron looked good; but the main reason for our joy was the prospect of six months of heated banter firing from the ramparts of Castle Limey in the direction of you, our friends across the pond.
In all seriousness, England will be wary of you Yanks, and not just those sizeable members of your population who look like they'd eat us in a flash if only we were topped in French's mustard. Clint Dempsey, Fulham's top scorer, is having his best season yet in the English Premier League, while keeper Tim Howard would walk straight into England's No. 1 shirt were he not American. Regardless, we're confident that revenge for the defeat England suffered in the sole competitive meetings between the two sides (the 1950 World Cup, when England went down 1-0 in Brazil) is firmly in the offing.
As we've said in previous columns, Theron's World Cup draw associate and MLS ambassador David Beckham should be in the squad to face his current country of residence -- from the substitute's bench at least. Beckham will be a useful asset to have for England boss Fabio Capello, not only as a player, but also for his intimate knowledge of the U.S. squad. Conversely, it looks like Bradley will have another spy in the EPL with Beckham's Los Angeles Galaxy teammate and U.S. all-time top scorer Landon Donovan on the verge of a loan move to Everton for the lead-up to the World Cup -- an arrangement similar to Beckham's with AC Milan.
After their opening match on June 12, both England and the U.S. realistically should beat the two other teams in the group, who both scraped into the World Cup via playoffs. One is Algeria, a team that has only qualified three times for the World Cup and never gone beyond the first round on any of those occasions. The other is Slovenia, which has qualified only once (in '02) since it was formed out of the 1991 divestiture of Yugoslavia. (The Slovenians lost all three of their group games in South Korea.)
As we see it, England and the U.S.' course through the rest of the tournament is entirely down to their opening match. The losers of that game likely would get a round-of-16 date with Germany, the team that always steps up a gear in big tournaments, and England's penalty-shootout nemesis. That should be incentive enough for England to beat the U.S.
The winners probably will play Michael Essien's Ghana, which we foresee overpowering Australia to second place in that group. Then, assuming results go as one would expect, England could face France in the quarterfinals.
ENGLAND CRUSHING
9 questions with the women of 'Nine'
What's your favorite book?
Nicole Kidman: My favorite book is "War & Peace" by Leo Tolstoy because it's why I wanted to become an actor. But it's not light reading.
Penelope Cruz: I have many, but I think the one I'm reading right now, I'm completely obsessed with. It's an Italian book from Margaret Mazzantini and it's called "Venuto al Mondo." It's not out here yet, but it will be. And I think it's really a masterpiece. I just wake up in the middle of the night and start reading. I can't stop thinking about it. It's one of the best things I've ever read. It's a love story told in flashbacks. Part of it happens during the war in Sarajevo. I won't tell you anymore but it's really, really beautiful.
Kate Hudson: "One Hundred Years of Solitude."
Marion Cotillard: There are many books I love. I think it was two years I read, it's not a book actually, but it's been published as a book. It's Harold Pinter's acceptance speech when he got the Nobel Prize. Actually, I know the title in French, but it might be the same -- they might have translated. It's "Art, Truth and Politics." Today, I would say this one.
Where is your favorite place to travel?
Kidman: Home to Sydney because we all live in Tennessee, but my whole family lives in Sydney, Australia, and Keith's family lives in Australia. So I love to go back to Australia. And second, I love Italy.
Cruz: Apart from loving to travel around Spain, because it's a very beautiful country, I love going to the Caribbean. Anywhere in the Caribbean where I can rest and run around barefoot.
Hudson: Paris and the South of France.
Cotillard: Actually, I love to travel to France since I'm not there very often. I love Peru and India.
Oprah.com: 4 unexpected (and luxurious) travel deals
What's your favorite meal?
Kidman: I think probably pasta, or when we were in Italy this summer, we had homemade pizzas straight out of the pizza oven. I had a pizza which was ricotta cheese and strawberries, which was amazing. It was just something that has to be experienced. We all thought, "No, we don't want the strawberry pizza." They brought it anyway, and we gobbled it down.
Cruz: I would say a Spanish dish that is called broken eggs. It's done with fried potatoes and fried eggs. There is a trick about how to break the eggs on top of the fries. Also, because I know how to make that one.
Hudson: Pasta.
Cotillard: This is the hardest question, actually. I'll try to stay simple, and maybe I would say, I like Indian food. I like French food. I like Mexican food. I like Japanese food. And I love burgers. My favorite burger...since we are in Chicago, I would say the O'Brien burger on Wells Street. It's a very good one. I had a lot of them when I worked here. And organic food, if everything can be organic...
What's your favorite musical?
Kidman: "The Wizard of Oz," once again, another reason I wanted to become an actor.
Cruz: "All That Jazz."
Hudson: That's tough. "Bye Bye Birdie" was what got me going, because I basically wanted to be Ann-Margret. But I would say my favorite, favorite musical...this is hard. There are so many. Can I do Broadway? "A Chorus Line."
Cotillard: I'm a very big "Singin' in the Rain" fan since I was a little girl. And the one that is very deeply printed in my heart is "Annie."
Oprah.com: What's your favorite musical? Take the poll!
How would you spend the perfect day off?
Kidman: Hanging out with my family, with my husband. He has a 1956 Lincoln, and we love to drive around in the Lincoln. I don't mind riding on the back of a Harley as well, even though I'm a mother of three.
Hudson: With my family, my son. We'd do everything and nothing, whatever we felt like. I'm looking forward to taking my son to the circus when I get home. We couldn't do it the other day, and he was so disappointed because we got times messed up. And when I go home, I'm taking him to the circus. He's such an imaginative kid, so anything that I get to watch his imagination start to go wild is like my favorite thing in the world to see.
Cotillard: The perfect day off would be with my friends and family, because I don't have much time with them. It would be, actually, a musical day. [We would] sing and dance. A lot of my friends are musicians. It would be in a house in the country, and we would play music -- singing and dancing.
If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?
Kidman: Not to worry because I have a lot of my childhood and teenage years worrying, worrying, worrying, and actually, it all works out how it's supposed to work out. We're all on our own path.
Hudson: Then I wouldn't be here! I would say keep doing what you're doing. I mean, I have to say, in terms of advice, the older you get, the more you experience. For me, I sort of love looking back at the mistakes and the faults and the flaws. Those things are all part of this weird, wacky, crazy journey.
Cotillard: I would tell her that every experience, even if it's a bad one, is an experience you have to live. I would also say, as much as possible, even if sometimes it's hard, be yourself.
What's your best beauty secret?
Kidman: No sun.
Hudson: I always say sleep, but it's not really a secret. Ice. ... If you're having one of those mornings, just stick your face in a bowl of ice.
Cotillard: I'm not very good at beauty secrets, but I think that sleeping is the best beauty secret. Sleeping 10 hours a night.
What inspires you?
Kidman: Love.
Hudson: Love. You know what really inspires me are people who I've met who are extremely devoted to something and dedicated and know how to balance their lives. Whoever it is. When I see someone who is really secure in what they're doing and how they balance their lives. My mother is inspiring. She's an amazing woman. And the older I get, the closer I get to my mother. Watching her journey into her life and to be interested in so many things and how she continues to balance our family...she's a real matriarch.
Cotillard: Life, people, music, art, books, love. Well, life.
What are you grateful for?
Kidman: Love.
Hudson: Family. At the end of the day, you get to go home and you have that ground. And you have the people who are the most brutally honest with you and funny and fun. I'm grateful for that, and I'm grateful for health. And I'm grateful for Oprah!
Cotillard: To be healthy.
Oprah.com: Why appreciation is the greatest gift you can give
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Is Keira Knightley feeling first-night nerves?
I wanted to vomit, which I was told was a very natural feeling."
So said Keira Knightley about first-night nerves last week ahead of her professional stage debut in a revival of Moliere's The Misanthrope.
In an interview in The Times, the star of Atonement and Pirates of the Caribbean admitted she "freaked out" when she was set an acting exercise by the play's director Thea Sharrock.
Knightley is the latest in a long line of Hollywood actors to swap movie glamour for the West End theatre - among them Nicole Kidman, Kevin Spacey and Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe.
Martin Crimp's version of The Misanthrope transports the action from 17th Century Paris to modern-day London, where Knightley plays an American movie star.
As previews began this weekend, we asked some well-known actors to share their wisdom on how easy - or terrifying - it can be to make the transition from screen to stage.
Barack Obama picks up Nobel Peace Prize in Oslo
US President Barack Obama has accepted his Nobel Peace Prize at a ceremony in Norway's capital, Oslo.
In his acceptance speech, he said his accomplishments were slight compared with some previous laureates.
The accolade was awarded to Mr Obama in October for his "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples".
The ceremony came days after Mr Obama announced he was sending 30,000 extra US soldiers to the war in Afghanistan.
There was a mixed reaction when he was named as the winner of the prize for 2009.
Critics have said it is inappropriate for the prize to go to the commander-in-chief of a country involved in conflicts in Iraq and Afghanistan.
President Obama's Peace Prize award was, if you like, a political endorsement from Europe
Gavin Hewitt's Europe
Obama tight schedule irks Norway
Mr Obama said: "I would be remiss if I did not acknowledge the considerable controversy that your generous decision has generated. In part, this is because I am at the beginning, and not the end, of my labours on the world stage.
"Compared to some of the giants of history who have received this prize... my accomplishments are slight."
He said he could not argue with those who said many previous laureates were "far more deserving" of the honour than him.
Amid high security, the US president earlier signed the Nobel Prize book of previous laureates after arriving in Oslo with his wife, Michelle, on Thursday morning.
But there has been criticism because he did not have lunch with the king and queen, and is staying in Norway only one day, even though Nobel ceremonies are usually held over three.
At a news conference with Norwegian Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg, Mr Obama said he and his wife wished they could stay in the country longer.
Anti-war demonstrators have gathered outside city hall, where the ceremony is taking place.
"We are protesting against him because he is going to have this prize and we don't think he is a man of peace," one protester, Anna Carraro, told AFP news agency.
The Nobel Prizes for chemistry, literature, medicine, physics and economics will also be presented in the Swedish capital Stockholm.
Each laureate receives a diploma, a medal and 10m Krona ($1.4m; £865,000), which is shared by joint winners.
Coinciding with the Nobel ceremony, a statue of Mr Obama as a young boy was unveiled in a park in the Indonesian capital, Jak
The park is close to where the president lived between 1967 and 1971 and the statue depicts him as a 10-year-old wearing shorts, with a butterfly on his finger.
Central Jakarta Mayor Sylviana Murni said the statue was intended to inspire Indonesian children.
"There is a message through the young Obama statue that any child and anyone from any background can reach their dreams if they fight for it persistently," the Associated Press news agency quoted her as saying
Defender Sol Campbell keen on joining Manchester United
Former England defender and free agent Sol Campbell has revealed he would welcome a move to Manchester United.
The 35-year-old centre-half would be available in January after finally being released from his five-year contract with Notts County last week.
"I would love to play for Manchester United," Campbell told ESPN. "But I'm not counting any chickens, just waiting to see what happens.
"I have heard nothing officially from United. It would be a great move."
The Old Trafford side had 15 players missing - including eight defenders - for Tuesday's 3-1 Champions League win at Wolfsburg and Campbell could be an attractive option in January's transfer window.
Patrice Evra and Nemanja Vidic are the only regular United defenders who are fit with Rio Ferdinand, John O'Shea, Jonny Evans, Gary Neville, Wes Brown as well as Rafael and Fabio da Silva either injured or sick.
Michael Carrick and Darren Fletcher were part of a makeshift three-man defence in Germany and it has been reported that manager Sir Alex Ferguson is keen on securing Campbell as a short-term solution.
The former Tottenham, Arsenal and Portsmouth defender only settled his contract dispute with Notts County last Wednesday after the League Two side initially refused to release his registration.
Campbell, capped 73 times by his country, linked up with director of football Sven-Goran Eriksson at Meadow Lane in August but departed less than a month into the five-year deal having played just one game.
He was reportedly on wages of £40,000 and according to some reports became disillusioned with the club's rate of progression during his brief stay.
Bollywood shines spotlight on health disorders
Auro is 13, but looks 65. He has progeria - a rare disorder which accelerates ageing in children.
Pia has been married to a man for over 20 years but she does not always remember him. She has Alzheimer's disease.
Ishaan, eight, is a gifted painter but messes up his numbers and letters. He is dyslexic.
Sanjay Singhania cannot remember how his wife was killed, yet he wants to take revenge. He suffers from "short-term memory loss", a type of amnesia developed after a traumatic incident.
What links these people?
They all have neurological conditions, and are the protagonists of mainstream Hindi films released in the last two years.
'Social change'
Bollywood has long been known for stories with predictable beginnings and endings.
But now film-makers are exploring seemingly different plots with films such as Taare Zameen Par (Stars on earth); U, Me Aur Hum (You, me and us) and Apna Aasman (Our sky) over the last two years.
Seabrook Explosion
The Seabrook detonation was the eminent sink jangle up Seabrook Texas beginning this morning. follow billowed pursuit the philosophy from the Seabrook TX plant pandemonium. physical appears acknowledged were no terrible injuries from the Seabrook crash at the American Acryl facility.
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Within an hour, firefighters establish external the sparks further exist was no longer apparent. Two folks went to the hospital because reported lassitude from the insert shouting. They are said to sell for imprint befitting condition.
The disquietude knotty the toxic concernment toluene but the caravan verbal the embed turbulence did not get going the chemical to hold office released. American Acryl was formed network 1997 and got permission to habit the implant guidance 2000 on 65 acres.
Do you trenchant anywhere ulterior Seabrook Texas further did you inspect or learn about the imbed cry?
